It's not happy everyday

How I wish I could be happy everyday. But this is life. I think we tend to think a lot more at night and have all sorts of thoughts, I think it is true. I really miss S’pore right now, because whenever I am there it would be stress-free and I’ll be on holidays everyday. Sometimes I don’t like it here when everyone knows you(no I’m not saying I’m well-known over here) it’s just that the asian group is so small and me being me, can’t be real close with Aussies idk why, it’s just there. I can make friends with anyone, but being close and hang around is different. I forgot where I saw this status from, but it goes; people who doesn’t know me thinks I’m shy or anti-social, people who knows me thinks I’m out-going and friendly and people who I am close to thinks I am completely insane.
But I guess it’s just the circle of friends I am around and not one that I can completely trust? I can be a incredibly funny friend and do the most stupid things but I can’t just pour my feelings out, because the next day when I walk on the streets and meet someone I know, he/she might be like ‘don’t think so much’/ or whatever the case is. But like, what? I did not tell you anything. I hate it that this tiny space I have here has no privacy for anyone? Say Gold Coast is a lot bigger than S’pore, definitely, I think if I share my feelings to anyone in S’pore, it wouldn’t spread? It’s really not like a peanut butter spread that can be anyhow spread. Sometimes I need my own space, everyone does. I’m so afraid that saying something wrong would ruin my reputation, like seriously I swear everyone lives on their reputation here, if its ruined, you better off stay at home and not come out, this is how terrible it is. And sometimes it’s not you yourself that said or did something wrong. Can be someone who backstabbed you, sounds like some Primary school kid backstabbing shit aye? If I was in Pri I could probably get my mum and clear things up, but no, once you are on your own, and when rumours spread, you’re some kind of ‘black-listed’. It’s all so fking childish, maybe thats because it’s too boring and small here there’s not enough gossip to spread and people tend to make a lot of shit up when the dislike this person. That’s the only thing I hate most about GC. Even though half of my week is spent over at Brisbane where I have school at, it spreads. Living here is awesome I cannot ask for more.
No I’m not saying all this because I can’t live my face here. I’m happy with my friends, but not all of them definitely. Some takes all the advantage of being a BFF and just leaves without a fart, doesn’t care a shit about you anymore, find new friends and start a new life. But sometimes it really hurts the other person, have you ever use your almighty brain and think of what I have done for you? There’s no free-lunch in this world. How many free-lunch have you had?

(Blogger wasn't working, I posted this on my tumblr)
 10/05/2011

One of those days